If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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