community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
