pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
