What did we do last night that was yellow?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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