things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
