I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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