How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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