i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
