Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
