hotel room ftw
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
