The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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