pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
