My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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