I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You left your phone here
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