Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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