Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I love you. Go after that dick
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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