If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
