Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i barfeds in our rink
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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