I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
