Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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