Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize