Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
