id be glad to
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
