thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
