Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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