his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
