i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
