I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
