Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
