He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
