Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
