plz talk dirty to me
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
