im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
