She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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