I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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