I cannot find my penis.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
