thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
