I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
