What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
