I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
