i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
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