I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i came on her dog
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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