just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We talked him into tasing himself.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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