How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
