Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
