I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
