Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
