Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
