so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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