I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
whose parrot is this?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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