Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
