i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
