THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
