so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
