when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
