I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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