Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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