Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
