After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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