That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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