There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
