If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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